The Fool (Repost)

The Fool

     I’ve been laying in this bed crying all day.  I couldn’t even go to work. I called in before anyone even arrived into the office just so I could leave a voicemail. I couldn’t take the risk of someone answering and possibly questioning me about why I was taking a personal day. Everyone at the office knows me as the happy go lucky one and I can’t let people see me distraught like this. My lover and I are officially done and I’m really having a hard time dealing with it. I can’t get him off my mind and I’m being mentally tortured by thoughts of how good things used to be. Yep he got me. My ass is deep in love with someone who doesn’t love me. He played me for an idiot and my vulnerable ass fell for it.
            In between these tears are moments of laughter as I unconsciously reminisce about the unforgettable times we shared. I’m really not trying to remember nothing good about this fool but I can’t help it. I even find myself laughing at how stupid I was for really thinking this nigga loved me. I’m guilty for believing every single word out his mouth, the na├»ve shit that all women fall for way too often. I wanted to believe that our love was true and that I was his soul mate. I believed it when he told me that there was no other perfect person on earth for us other than each other. He really had my mind gone.
            His talk game seemed so genuine now I’m stuck wondering what went wrong and how did I let myself get played for a fucking fool. It’s well into the evening hours and honestly I don’t know what time it is I just know that the sun rose and now its setting and I’m still in this bed depressed and fucked up. I’ve lost track of time, my phone has been ringing all day but the one person I want to hear from isn’t even thinking about me. I know he isn’t because he been stop answering my calls and he barely responds to any of my text messages to him. I’m confused as hell because he used to call me everyday, all day. He wouldn’t let a moment go by without telling me exactly what he was doing. He did all this without me even asking and I loved it because he left no room for doubt in my mind. He covered all his bases and made sure to show me that it was all about me. 
            This lasted for a few short months and faded out quicker than I particularly liked. Calls everyday turned into no calls at all.  All day texting turned into only me texting him and him responding with one worded replies. I was in denial that he was losing interest and I purposely ignored the signs. I ignored the signs because he reassure me with his words that everything was ok.  I’m pissed because I knew better than to fall for worthless ass words, actions speak louder than words and his actions were showing me the opposite of what the hell he was saying. Now I’m laying here with bags of sadness under my eyes because I chose to ignore my gut feelings and be a damn fool.   
Flashback 2months ago…
“Damn baby, your pussy is so good”, he moaned.
            We just got finished having the most amazingly explosive sex and to be honest it was some of the best dick I’ve ever had. I smiled at his comment and beamed in an “in love” glow.
“I’m glad you enjoyed me, my body is completely yours. My #1 goal is to make sure your satisfied and that you are happy, it sounds like I’m doing my job”, I replied seductively as I rested my head on his bare chest and traced an invisible path of hearts down his abdomen with my finger.
“Well you don’t have to worry about shit because I know what I got and sometimes niggas don’t know when to leave the casino after winning. With you I hit the jackpot , cashed in my winnings and I’m out this bitch, he joked in an assuring tone.
            After the sexual chastisement I just put down on him, I was sure he wasn’t going anywhere. It’s one thing to think that you got good pussy but it’s another TO KNOW that your sex is incredible. I constantly study the art of love making and I pulled out a few of my heaviest tricks for his ass. I wanted to do things to him that I know no one has ever done before. I wanted to live out every fantasy with him and I made sure to let him know. I was wide open and he was the only nigga with full access to me. He was the only man that could fill my desire. I made sure to make our moments unforgettable. At least they were to me.  When we made love I went all out because I was convinced that our connection was deeper than a regular relationship, I wanted to show him exactly how special he was to me. I lit candles, I flooded the bedroom with rose petals, I set the table for candle light dinners, I brought sex toys, I used edible sex treats, I massaged him, I fed him, I made sure not to leave any spot on his body untouched as I gave him everything I had inside. He had me mentally and I was gone!  
“Damn boo that mouth of yours is ridiculous”…he smiled.
            I gave him the best blow job I could muster up because you know what they say…’the fastest way to a man’s heart is through the tip of his dick’.  This was one of our few encounters together because we barely saw each other. He was a contract negotiator for the NFL and I was the booking agent for a national talent agency so we both traveled a lot. We were both successful and our relationship only made both of us professionally stronger. Despite our distance we still held together a tight bond.
“Baby I know you gonna let me flip that pussy over again and get it how I like it from behind”.
“If you already know then why are you asking”, I playfully giggled.
            Just like that we were back at it going for round 2.  I pulled back the sheets and straddled him like he liked it. I found pleasure in giving him what he asked for. He was laying on his back and my back was facing him. All that was in his view was my long hair meeting my arch and my thick ass bouncing to the beat of the song that was softly playing. Every stroke felt like fireworks going off inside my body. Every kiss felt like tiny electric shocks penetrating the deepest layers of my skin. Sex is so good when it’s no longer solely about your body and your mind takes complete control. We literally just left earth and entered the mesosphere; the last level of outer space was within reach as we both reached our sexual peek. I loved me some him.
            Those were some of the memories we shared when everything was good, when I didn’t know any better. He showered me with empty promises and unfulfilled plans about this bright future that never happened. The reality was I was just another bitch he was fucking. It wasn’t hard to see that he was getting at any and every bitch that he could and it took very little investigating to find out. That’s one of the joys of social networking. You can’t hide your dirt online. He did his thing on every popular social site and when I said “did his thing”, he secretly hollered at many other women.  When I found this out, it crushed me. For a while I just watched his actions, then I begin to speak on them. After that the bickering began and the distance began to grow.  I guess he wasn’t expecting me to be in his business like that. I had to do it for my own peace of mind though. I had to know what I was getting myself into and what I found out was I fell in love with a man that wasn’t ready for love. A man that lied and made me feel like I was the only girl in the world, like I was the only one he could ever love, like I was the only one that he was thinking of, like I was the only one that could understand how to make him feel like a man. Now I can’t stand his ass. The truth hit me hard and now I’m laying in this bed wondering how the hell did I get caught up in false love, imprudence and stupidity.
            He betrayed me and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I lost my cool. I’m now coming to terms with the fact that to him this was all just a game, I was just another piece on his chess board.  I played the fool.

1 responses:

WOW!!! This was a great read. It sounds like my life back in NOV. 2013. I wish I could've read this then, it probably would have saved me a lot of heartache.

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